


with you (the "Unyielding" remix)

by adverbialstarlight



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Healing, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, References to Canon, References to Depression, Swearing, as one would expect of me and andrew, i guess, soft as they can be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adverbialstarlight/pseuds/adverbialstarlight
Summary: Andrew, Neil, and the unexpected peace and quiet that follows an unpleasant nightmare.





	with you (the "Unyielding" remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FaiaSakura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaSakura/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Unyielding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20321404) by [FaiaSakura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaSakura/pseuds/FaiaSakura). 

> this fic was written for the amazing FaiaSakura in the AFTG remix!! unfortunately, i wasn't eligible at the time of sign ups but was given the opportunity to write a pinch hit for the event (and i wrote it really, really fast) so here it is, i hope you all (especially Faia) enjoy this!
> 
> thank you to [gluupor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/) for betaing and helping me not look like an idiot. title from Aly and AJ's song [With You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4EJNEvYKgI) which is so lovely like all their music, i had stuck in my head the entire time writing so i guess i pulled some inspiration from that too lol.

The quiet was stifling, for once, and Andrew couldn’t fucking stand it. 

He knew what this was, what had caused it. He’d known from the moment Neil startled awake with a half muffled sob, fingers tight enough around Andrew’s wrist that there would be nail marks in his skin, just like the first time it’d happened. 

Over the past few years, nights like these had become less frequent for both of them. The nights they slept the whole way through and woke without recoiling became more numerous, the ones where one or both stared blankly at the ceiling or left the room became less frequent. 

Growth, Bee had called it, and Andrew couldn’t bring himself to entirely disagree with the claim. They were growing, they were learning and evolving from the people they’d been at their first meeting. 

However, nights like this didn’t go away for good. It was idiotic to even think that, one day, they might. And so Andrew took Neil’s worst days in stride, as Neil did for him. 

Neil was still holding onto him like his life depended on it. His knuckles were white and his blue eyes wide with terror, lost in a memory far away from their apartment. Andrew remained still next to him, watching from the corner of his eye but otherwise remaining calm as Neil slowly came back. He slid his arm a bit closer to Neil, eyes not moving away from the spot on the ceiling. Neil pulled Andrew’s arm a fraction closer to his chest in silent thanks. 

They remained that way for an indefinite amount of time, and slowly Neil’s grip began to loosen, the wild and frantic look Andrew knew meant Neil wanted to run began to fade. The sounds of his breathing became less erratic, and finally Neil’s fingers slid up to carefully hold onto Andrew’s hand instead. He squeezed them lightly but said nothing. 

Andrew finally allowed himself to fully turn to look at Neil. Despite the bright lights outside their window, the room was dark, making the shadows sharpen on Neil’s face. It was clear that he was still not okay, and Andrew didn’t bother to ask. Even now it was impossible to get any answer from Neil other than “I’m fine” anyway. Besides, they both knew the real answer was _soon_. 

He momentarily glanced past Neil’s shoulder at the digital clock on the nightstand. It read 1:34 AM, too early for Neil to go on a run. 

Though this wouldn’t have stopped him just three years ago, Neil put limits on when to run now. Not until four, not after ten. He’d also begun to cope in other ways that did not include bolting from the room and going AWOL for hours. Instead, he’d taken up various hobbies— cooking, origami folding, playing sudoku on the smartphone Nicky finally convinced him to buy the year before. 

Growth, Bee’s voice echoed once again. 

After studying him for a few more moments, Andrew asked simply, “Do you want tea?” 

Neil tried to give him a small smile, his eyes crinkling slightly, and he gave Andrew’s fingers another small squeeze. It was barely anything, and his smile came out as more of a half grimace, but it was an answer nonetheless. 

Andrew nodded and carefully retracted his hand. With one more glance back at Neil— not a look of pity or concern, but rather a message: _I’ll be right back_— he sat up and slid off their bed. 

He didn’t bother turning on any of the lights as he made his way into the kitchen, taking in the glowing lights of the city outside one of their windows. It was odd, how he’d agreed to live somewhere right in the heart of Denver rather than a place far away from everyone, how he’d agreed to continue playing the inane sport that was exy after he’d graduated from college, how he’d agreed to still play it now, several years later. It was odd, but it was somehow _right_. Living in nearly every single way that his teenage self would’ve scorned— vulnerable, smoke-free, bound to people by his own free will rather than a promise, and so, so much more— and yet content with it. Happy, even. 

Since Neil wasn’t there to laugh at him for it, Andrew climbed onto the countertop to grab the bright orange kettle on top of the cabinets and open the box of various teas Renee always refilled when she came over. After a moment of digging through the box, he took out the bag labeled as jasmine and chamomile. Neil had never been too picky over his green tea, so Andrew supposed it’d do. Then, he grabbed a packet of hot cocoa powder as well. 

He pulled out Neil’s favorite mug— predictably, something exy related that had to be hand washed— and his own purple and white floral printed one that Bee had gifted him when they’d first moved into this apartment. 

“It’s a sign you’re a real Coloradan now,” she’d told Andrew with sparkling eyes. “You know, almost everyone who lives there has at least one thing with the state flower on it.” Andrew had rolled his eyes but thanked her for the gift, and to this day his columbine mug was his most frequently used one. 

While the water boiled on the stove, Andrew wandered back into the bedroom. Neil was still lying down, his shoulders stiff and his jaw clenched, but his fingers were tapping against his leg at a rapid pace. When Andrew entered the room, he looked up for a moment, eyes sharp. It took a half second for him to recognize Andrew in the door and sit back again, but Andrew pretended not to notice. He’d come to expect it, and never minded in the least. 

“Tea’s going,” he told Neil, walking back around the bed to his side. He sat against the headboard and looked out the window, waiting. 

Neil glanced up at him, then asked in a hoarse voice, “Yes or no?” When Andrew nodded, he scooted closer, head resting on the mattress only an inch away from Andrew’s leg. After a moment of shifting his legs as well, Neil let out a sigh through his nose and closed his eyes. “Thank you,” he said quietly. 

Andrew didn’t say anything, though he lifted a hand to Neil’s hair. He brushed back loose auburn curls from Neil’s face and behind his ears, fingers light and gentle. Neil was not fragile or delicate, even at times like this, but he was still something to be cared about, someone to be valued and supported, which was exactly what Andrew was doing. 

The first time they’d done this during one of Neil’s bad days, when Andrew had begun to stroke Neil’s hair with little warning, Neil had told him it made him feel foolish, like one of the cats— who, for the record, rarely liked to be petted anyway. Still, he didn’t tell Andrew to stop, so it became a continued habit. 

They stayed there until the kettle’s whistle began to go off from the kitchen, the sound high pitched and loud as it broke through the night. Andrew supposed he could’ve boiled water another way, a quieter way that would be less likely to wake everyone on the floor up, but he didn’t care that much. His fingers paused in Neil’s hair and he glanced towards the door. 

“Tea,” he told Neil casually. “Do you want me to bring it here?” 

Neil shook his head but gave Andrew a thankful glance as he sat up. 

They took their time moving back to the kitchen, Neil paused a moment to regain his balance after being horizontal for so long. Andrew quietly shook the numbness from his leg before trailing after him. 

Neil pulled the kettle off the hot stovetop and poured some water into their waiting mugs while Andrew pulled out the whipped cream and chocolate sauce for his hot chocolate. Then, Neil added the teabag to his mug and the hot chocolate mix to Andrew’s and hopped onto the counter to wait. 

He began to hum something under his breath almost unconsciously, staring down at the kitchen’s tile flooring. Andrew had heard him sing it a few times, always after thinking about his mother. Neil said once that it was a German lullaby his mom would sing him sometimes before they began running, though he never sang the full thing aloud. Andrew knew that if he asked Nicky, he or Erik would probably know it, but a part of him always paused before he mentioned it. He wanted to keep this small piece of Neil to himself. 

After a few minutes, Neil asked quietly, “Do you think she was a bad person?” At Andrew’s questioning glance he explained, “Whenever I say anything about her, the others tell me she was a bad person. That what she did was not… right. She wasn’t perfect, but she kept me breathing, so why do any of the other things that came with that even matter?” 

Andrew looked up from his hot chocolate, waiting until Neil looked up too. “Just because someone keeps you breathing, that doesn’t mean anything else they’ve done to you is immediately excused.” 

Neil opened his mouth then closed it again. Andrew waited patiently, taking another long sip of his hot chocolate. They’d had this conversation before, though usually when Neil was in a better state to fight back. Today though, he didn’t. All he said was, “I guess. Doesn’t mean I can’t miss her though.” 

The conversation ended there, and they finished their drinks in silence. Neil was not humming anymore and was lost in thought again with a look Andrew had worn himself a few times before, most of the time when he’d been in juvie. He didn’t do anything, didn’t give Neil a pitying glance or worried pat on the shoulder, give him false reassurance or unneeded advice. He just let him sit there, drinking his tea and thinking. 

That’s all there really was for Andrew to do, and he was alright with that. He could not save Neil from his past every time, and he could not make everything better, but this— this, he knew was a good start. 

They no longer needed deals and promises to keep them together and safe. Simply being there, making a cup of tea and sitting only an inch apart, letting the emotions run its course and being there when Neil was ready, it was enough. 

Growth, Bee’s voice reminded him as they moved to the living room couch. When Neil smiled again and put his head entirely in Andrew’s lap and he only felt calm, Andrew had a feeling she might be right. 

**Author's Note:**

> aaand that's the end, thank you so much for reading and leave a comment/kudos/anything if you want to. faia, i hope you liked this fic especially, it was super fun to write and i loved "Unyielding" and your other works so much! also, shout out to gluupor and leah for organizing this event, you guys are the best!
> 
> you can also catch me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/adverbialnouns) or [tumblr](http://adverbialstarlight.tumblr.com) if you want


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